A little time home

A couple months ago, I got word that my mom was diagnosed with dementia and was declining quickly. My dad reached out to us and suggested we come soon for a visit. Heeding the call, a few weeks ago I booked tickets and my son, his wife, and the rest of the family made the journey to Pennsylvania. While there, we took in the requisite foods (cheesesteaks, Sicilian pizza, hoagies and treats from Wawa, Yum Yum donuts, and ice cream at Friendly's) and scheduled family pictures. My youngest son was ordained an elder at the hands of his grandfather and assisted by numerous family members. Something my mom always does is to make sure people include their name on items that are part of their will. While this may seem morbid and worldly, it gave my kids the opportunity to talk to her about some of her possessions and find out why they were important to her and the family. As we were looking through a cedar chest at a Mongolian hat, I came upon this colorized photo of her. My mom struggled with horrible acne as a teenager and never felt pretty. This picture was the first time she saw herself as anything but a scarred woman. It reminds me we are not always what we appear; instead we are stronger and more beautiful. While this wasn't how my mom saw herself, this is how I've always seen her. She is my hero, my role model, my inspiration.

It's been a while

As you can see by my last post, it's been a while since I added anything to the blog. Thanks to the ease of Facebook, the blog was pushed aside. Stories, pictures, and videos could be uploaded in seconds rather than taking hours. But times have most certainly changed. My oldest child, Ian, has served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and last year married Adrienne. They now live in Des Moines, Washington, where she is a special education teacher and he is finishing his Pathway experience. Maggie is a talented dancer and choreographer who helped with numerous Westmore productions and plans on becoming a makeup artist. While some pets have come and gone, her Goldendoodle service dog, Ophelia, is a cherished addition to the family and her life. Ellie is a college student alongside me, and produces the most beautiful typographic works of art. She recently met the man of her dreams and together, they work at doTerra and do homework. Griffin graduated from high school in the spring and works at the elementary school he attended. All my kids are adults, the last one entering his final year as a teenager just two days ago. John and I are coming up on our 29th year of marriage and work together at Pure Storage. I went back to school to finish my degree and am in my senior year at BYU-Idaho. While this reads like a Christmas letter, there are other events that aren't quite as picturesque. My father-in-law, Malcolm, passed suddenly in February after a fall and in the past month, I received word that my mother is declining mentally and may not remember things much longer. She mentioned to my sister a desire to see me walk and receive my diploma at my college graduation; with four semesters to go, I don't know that her wish will come true. Most of my children (and husband) struggle with near-crippling anxiety and depression or other special needs, including autism. I watch as my children struggle through emotional and physical pain, wondering if their burdens will be made light. I, myself, am in physical pain most of the time and doubt I will find relief. And yet, there are small glimpses of eternity. For example, as one of my children shared their sorrows in a public forum, the others carefully crafted and shared their testimonies, testimonies I didn't realize they had. Almost every member of my extended family participated in a group chat in anticipation of General Conference and, upon its completion, decided to make it a place for scripture study. As I read their insights into the scriptures, I sat back and asked myself how I could be so blessed. With two new toilets, two new furnaces and air conditioning, a freshly-painted living room, a new job, a family--both immediate and extended--that surrounds one another with love, friends, and the restored gospel, life is good. God is good.